This Is All Your Fault!
by TheGreyLadyy
Summary: She knew her friends didn't agree with her, but they didn't dare try to reason with her. Not after James had tried and she had punched him squarely in the jaw. It wasn't her fault he was being an insensitive prick. One-shot.


**A/N_:_**_ Just a little something I came up with after seeing that episode in __**Friends**, where Rachel gives birth to Emma._

**Disclaimer:** _Alas, I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters in this story-except for Trisha, but she's hardly important. And Sirius-him I own in my head and it's perfectly legal there. Yeah, I agree. I have issues.  
_

* * *

**T****his Is All Your Fault!**

_29 July 1980_

Lily Potter sighed as she walked—no _waddled_-across the sitting room and into the kitchen in the small cottage she and James shared. She was done. Completely done with her pregnancy. She was tired—no scratch that. She was utterly _exhausted _and she felt like a bloody _whale_-despite James' constant reassurance that she was as beautiful as ever.

_Easy to say when you're not the one who has to haul around_ _a rather large human baby_, Lily thought to herself as she poured herself a drink of water.

Her due date had come and gone and she was still as pregnant as ever. And Baby Potter wasn't giving any indications of wanting to come out anytime soon. Mary— one of her best friends and the Healer that had attended to her during her entire pregnancy—had proudly informed her that her unborn child was fully developed and all she had to do now was wait until he or she decided to pop out.

In other words, Baby Potter was straight up freeloading.

She remembered a time when she wanted nothing more than to keep her baby inside of her, forever, because the thought of him coming out into a world full of death and destruction was too hard to bare.

But now she wanted out. She was done.

It wasn't like she didn't enjoy being pregnant, because she did. She had enjoyed every minute of it—well, _mostly_ every minute. _Because pregnancy_, she thought to herself as she waddled back to the couch, _isn't all it's cracked up to be._

Sure there's the undeniably wonderful feeling of knowing that there is a little person growing inside of you. She had practically broken down in tears the first time she had felt her baby move around inside of her—it had been such a magical feeling.

But there's the other side to pregnancy, one most people seem to conveniently leave out. She couldn't, for the life of her, see her feet—they were too swollen to be considered human feet anymore—and trying to sleep was simply awful. The heartburn was nothing short of ridiculous and the false contractions were pure hell. Not to mention that her charming child seemed to enjoy pressing against her bladder ever five _bloody_ minutes; she often referred to her unborn child as her own little parasite—something James didn't seem to find amusing at all.

The mood swings were worst of all—she had spent nearly fifteen minutes bawling her eyes out earlier that morning, all because she couldn't find a pair of socks that matched. It was _pathetic_.

And she wanted nothing more than to have her child in her arms. She wanted to meet them already and give them all the love she had been bottling up ever since she had discovered she was pregnant eight months back.

Lily bit her lip as another one of those bloody _false_ contractions hit her, making her grip the cup she was holding until her knuckles turned white. As soon as it had come, it was gone, and she was able to sigh in relief.

"You know, love," Lily said softly as she patted her swollen tummy, "both Daddy and I are very eager to meet you. I mean, it's not like I don't enjoy having you in there, but I'd enjoy it even more if I could actually _see_ you. And hold you. Like, right now." Nothing. "Please? I promise you'll enjoy it out here." Still nothing. Lily sighed in frustration as she crossed her arms—well, _tried_ to cross her arms over her chest.

"Talking to the baby again, Lil?" James teased as he stood in the doorway, a grin lighting up his handsome features, causing Lily to pout at him.

"I'm trying to coax him out but he just _won't_ listen. He's stubborn; just like his father."

"I would say he's more like his mother," James grinned.

"You're lucky I'm too tired to move, or I'd have punched you already."

James laughed as he strode over to her, perching himself against the arm of the chair. "Well, you can't blame them for not wanting to come out, Lil. You've made such a nice home for the baby for the past nine months that he or she doesn't want to leave," he said, putting an arm around her shoulder.

"Well aren't you sweet, Potter," Lily said, looking at her husband, eyebrow raised in amusement. "Making up crap just to make me feel better. Somehow, it isn't working."

James shrugged. "At least I tried."

* * *

_30 July 1980_

**4:45 p.m.**

"Hello, Potters!" Alice's cheery voice rang throughout their cosy home.

Lily looked up from her reading, pleasantly surprised to see her best friend's handsome, round face popping out of the fireplace. After much struggling, she finally managed to rise from her armchair and waddled as fast as her swollen feet could take her to the fireplace. She gingerly sat down next to it, happy to finally have someone other than James to talk to. It's not like she didn't enjoy talking to James. It was just that he was hopelessly clueless when it came to women and pregnancy.

"Oh, Alice! I've missed you terribly! How's Neville doing?" Neville was Alice's new-born son—_he_ hadn't been as stubborn as her own child was being and had been born on time.

"Oh, Lily, he's absolutely wonderful! I wish you could see him!"

"I wish I could see him, too, Ali," Lily said with a sigh.

"Well, you will. Soon enough, I hope. So how are you doing, Lils? Any changes?"

"Nope. I'm still as pregnant as ever. Just got this horrible—Oh—" she paused holding her breath as the pain seemed to travel to her abdomen. As soon as it had come it was gone. "—back pain," she finished, rubbing her stomach absentmindedly.

"Well enjoy it while you can. Because after that child is born, you can kiss having _any_ time to yourself goodbye."

"I'd rather have this child out of me already, thank you. He's just not budging. And believe me I've tried _everything_."

"Have you tried _sex_ yet?" Alice whispered, as if she were afraid anyone other than Lily might hear, causing Lily to burst out in laughter.

"Oh, I've tried. But James is being stubborn about it. He says he finds it weird. I say he's just being stupid."

"Really? Frank was more than thrilled when Healer May gave him the okay."

"But that's because your husband is normal. Mine still gets foolishly uncomfortable whenever Mary starts explaining the motions of childbirth."

"Men," Alice said, rolling her eyes. "But I'm pretty sure you'll think of something, Lily. Worst comes to worst, you tie him down to the bed."

**7:15 p.m.**

"For the last time, Sirius, I will not name my child Elvendork!" Lily said, her teeth clenched in irritation.

Sirius had decided to 'pop in' to make sure she hadn't 'popped the kid out yet'—somehow, she hadn't found it as funny as he had.

"Come on, Lily, it's an awesome name," said Sirius with a grin. "_Elvendork_ _Potter_. Nice ring to it, no?"

James watched in amusement as his wife's hands curled into fists. During the course of her pregnancy, Lily's temper seemed to be shorter and she was known to hit anybody who dared annoy her; James—who had been subject to one too many punches from his wife—could definitely testify to that. But, nevertheless, he placed a hand on her shoulder, half-expecting her to curse the living daylights out of him. Fortunately for him, she seemed to relax a bit.

"Leave her alone, Sirius," Marlene—Sirius' long-term girlfriend and Lily's best friend—said, swatting him playfully on the arm.

"Oh, come on, Marls. As his future godfather, I believe I have a say in my godson's or goddaughter's name. As do you. You are, after all, the baby's godmother. And you've got to admit Elvendork is an awesome name."

"If it's so awesome, then why don't _you_ name _your_ child that?" said Lily as she turned back to her cooking.

"Child? What child?" Sirius said, paling dramatically.

"Damn it, Lily! This is _not_ how I wanted him to find out."

"You're pregnant?" exclaimed Sirius incredulously.

"Surprise!" Marlene said, smiling uncertainly.

Sirius promptly fainted, causing Lily to supress a giggle and Marlene to roll her eyes.

"And I thought _my_ reaction had been dramatic."

**09:35 p.m.**

Lily had been staring at him for the past five minutes and James was starting to find it a bit _unnerving_. It wasn't her usual _Don't-bother-me-I'm-just-thinking _stare, she usually wore nowadays. As her pregnancy progressed, Lily had become more prone to spacing out and James had grown quite used to it.

This stare, however, was much more different than the blank stares she often wore. There was something almost predatory about this stare. Something oddly familiar-almost like the stares James used to give her, before they had conceived—_Oh_.

James understood perfectly well now. He ran a hand through his already untidy hair as Lily bit her lip, slowly inching her way across the bed toward him—well at least _trying_ to. Her rather pregnant belly didn't allow for much movement.

"Lily, what are you doing?" James asked as Lily nibbled on his ear. He shuddered involuntarily and he could feel her smirk. Merlin, the things that woman could do to him.

"Nothing," she said innocently as she worked her way down to his neck. "I'm just in the mood for sex, 's all. There's nothing wrong with a husband making love to his wife, is there?"

"Not when said wife is pregnant!"

Lily pulled back and rolled her eyes. "Give it a rest, Potter. There is nothing wrong with having sex with your _very_ pregnant wife."

"Exactly! You're pregnant! And it feels too bloody weird!"

"Well suck it up! After all, it's _your_ fault I'm pregnant!

"My fault? I didn't hear _you_ complaining!"

Lily glared at him, and James cringed back slightly. "You started it now you finish it!"

"I'm not going to have sex with you just so you can go into labour!"

"Oh, come on, James! It'll be quick, I promise. Just think of it as magic. Like when you have to wave the wand around to get the spell to come out."

James snorted. "Yeah, that's definitely going to get me in the mood."

"Why do you have to behave like such a girl, James?" Lily asked exasperatedly.

"Always a great way to get into a man's pants."

"Well stop being such a girl and show me how much of man you are. Show me, Potter. Come on, be a ma—"

"Bugger it," said James as he brought his lips crashing down onto Lily's. She responded eagerly as she tore his nightshirt off and he gripped her red curls with one hand as he pulled at her nightgown with the other—

"Merlin's beard," she muttered, pulling away from him.

"What?" James said, feeling rather irritable.

"I think my water just broke," she said, looking eerily calm.

"Damn it, I am _good_," James said, grinning cockily. It took a minute for the words to sink in and he paled dramatically. "Shit!"

**09:52 p.m.**

"Help! Somebody help!" James yelled as he frantically ran down the halls of St. Mungo's, dragging a _very_ pregnant Lily behind him, nearly crashing into Mary, who just so happened to be working that night.

"Bloody hell, James! What the hell is the matter with you?"

"Lily—labour—help," he managed in between pants.

"Oh, Lily, that's wonderful!" Mary exclaimed, hugging her friend before taking charge. "Trisha?" she called over her shoulder and a young, blond nurse rushed to her side.

"Yes?"

"Take Mrs Potter down to the Maternity Ward. Get her ready. I'll be down in just a moment," she said, before hurrying off.

"Right this way, Mrs Potter," Trisha said, taking her hand.

"James?" Lily asked, looking over her shoulder. "Mind calling Marlene down here? Oh and try to see if you can get Alice down here, too. She's been through this before. She might have something useful to say."

* * *

_31 July 1980_

**01:03 a.m.**

"So, how are you doing, Lily?" asked Marlene, who was feeling anxious about her own pregnancy already, even if she was just barely going into her second month.

"I'm okay, I guess."

"And the pain?"

"You know, I thought I'd be in horrible pain by now. But it's not so bad," Lily said as she walked down the halls again, aided by Marlene and Alice on either side of her.

"How far along are you again?" Alice asked.

"I'm already at three centimetres."

"So you still have around seven more centimetres to go. Well, I'm sorry to burst your bubble, sweetie, but you're in for a long, painful, night."

"I doubt it. I'm barely in any pain right now," Lily said smugly.

Alice laughed to herself, shaking her head. Her friend had absolutely no clue what she was in for.

**05:55 a.m.**

"Still no baby?" Remus asked as he popped his head into her room.

"No," she replied huffily. "I've been in labour for _nine_ bloody hours and still no baby."

Alice laughed. "I was in labour for _two_ days. This is nothing, sweetie."

"Well I want this baby out _now_. You hear that, child?" she asked, patting her hard stomach. "You've overstayed your welcome. Be born. _Now_."

Lily grimaced as another wave of contractions hit her, making her grip the edge of her bed.

"Love, do you want me to ask Mary for some pain potions?" James asked gently, watching his wife with concern.

"No," she said stubbornly. "I can manage without them. I'll be fine as soon as I can manage to get this baby _out_."

"Hello, dear," Mary said as she entered the room, giving Remus a quick peck on the cheek before turning to Lily. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. Great actually," Lily snapped. "It's not like I'm in labour or anything."

James smiled apologetically at her, but Mary waved it away with a cheerful smile.

"I've seen worse. Now, what say we check how things are going along?"

"Well, that's my cue," Remus said, rushing out of the room.

**06:55 a.m. **

The pain seemed to be getting worse by the minute; it was absolutely awful. And she still had a long way to go. According to Mary, she was five centimetres apart.

"You're halfway there, Lily," she had said cheerfully. Lily had wanted nothing more than to wipe that stupid smile off her face. She wanted the baby out _now_.

She let out a small whimper as a stronger wave of contractions hit her. The pain was unbearable; it was much worse than the Cruciatus Curse. Yet, somehow, she still managed to refuse the pain potions Mary had offered her, despite having already broken down crying twice in the last hour.

She was going to hold out until she couldn't bear it any longer. She was an Evans damn it and Evans' women were supposed to be strong.

She knew her friends didn't agree with her, but they didn't dare try to reason with her. Not after James had tried and she had punched him squarely in the jaw. It wasn't her fault he was being an insensitive prick.

**08:46 a.m.**

"What do you mean I'm only six centimetres?" Lily asked through clenched teeth, glaring at Mary.

"Well, it's only your first child, Lily. You can't possibly expect things to progress quickly."

"Mary's right, love," James said, trying to calm down his wife. "Just be patient—"

"You! This is all your fault!" Lily screeched, turning to look at James, looking quite deranged.

James cringed back, feeling oddly unsettled. Sure he had seen Lily mad loads of times. But never like this. She looked more than mad. She looked positively mental. Thank Merlin Alice had had enough sense to take Lily's wand away or who knows what she'd have done to him.

"Just relax, love—" James said soothingly as he reached for her hand, but she pulled away, glaring at him.

"Don't you dare tell me what to do, James Potter!" she screeched. "It's all your bloody fault!" She aimed a punch at him, but he dodged it, cowering away from his wife. Lily burst into tears, much to his surprise. "I'm sorry, love," she wailed, reaching her hand out to him. "I don't know what's gotten in to me. I suppose it's the hormones." He smiled wearily as he took her hand again.

Before James could react, she hit him again, causing him to stagger back. "This is all your ruddy fault!" she hissed, her wild, mess of curls matted around her face. "It's your fault that I'm in so much _bloody_ pain."

Marlene snickered, reminding James that there were people present. "You should've seen that one coming."

James ignored Marlene's comment as he stared incredulously at Lily. "How the hell is this my fault? As I recall, you weren't saying no _that_ night."

Lily narrowed her eyes dangerously as she glared at her husband wanting nothing more than to punch him in the face. She knew that it would make her feel better if she did.

Marlene hid her face behind the magazine she was reading, trying to hide her laughter and Alice proceeded to cover her mouth with her hand, trying to supress her giggles. Sirius and Remus both rushed out of the room, collapsing into a fit of laughter that carried into the room, while Mary looked at them calmly, almost as if she had seen a similar scene before. And she probably had, what with her being a Healer and all.

"When I get my wand back," she hissed slowly as her hand twitched, itching for her wand, "I am going to hex your bloody _bits _off so that you can _never_ touch me again, _Potter_. Or better yet, I'm going to castrate you the good old-fashioned way. Merlin knows I'd enjoy that."

"Don't listen to her, James," Alice said, smirking at James' pale complexion. "Merlin knows I told Frank the same thing when I was in labour. She doesn't mean it."

"Oh but I do," Lily said, glaring at James. "You're officially celibate as of now, Potter."

**01:52 p.m.**

_Nine_. She was _nine_ bloody centimetres dilated.

Relief swept over her. Only one more to go. She could do it.

After much insistence from Marlene and Alice, she had finally agreed to take the pain potions. Not ten minutes after taking them, she had turned into her regular, sweet self. She was even laughing at something Sirius had said.

She turned to look at James, who looked like he had gone through hell and back. His hair was sticking out at odd ends and he looked utterly exhausted. He noticed her staring at him and turned to her, giving her an excellent view of the black eye she had given him. He smiled wearily at her as he brushed a hand through his hair and she _almost_ felt sorry for him. He was still a right git, as far as she was concerned.

**02:34 p.m.**

Lily sighed as she stared up at the ceiling, feeling oddly unsettled. Her friends had left merely minutes before to get lunch and for the first time in the past fifteen hours, she finally had some time to herself. James was still with her, mind you, but he was currently knocked out in the armchair next to her, clutching her hand even in his slumber.

Although Lily would never admit it, she was scared. What would happen once her child was born? Would she be a good mother? She didn't know a single thing about being a mother and she neither had her mother nor her mother-in-law to help her anymore. What if she was a horrible mother and her child hated her because of it?

But most importantly, would she be able to love him and protect him from all those people out there that were seeking to hurt him?

As if reading her thoughts, James squeezed her hand. "You're going to be an excellent, mother," he said, his voice thick with sleep. "Our child couldn't have picked a better mum, Lil. You're going to be great."

"I hope so, James," she said as she let out a sigh. "I hope so."

**03:09 p.m.**

"Alright, Lily, it seems like we're ready to push."

Lily felt a pang of excitement, along with twinge of fear as she saw a handful of nurses file into the room. What if something went horribly and the baby died? What if the baby got stuck? What if she was doing things wrong? What if—

"Don't worry, Lily. Everything will be alright," Mary said, squeezing her shoulder reassuringly. Lily hadn't even realised she had voiced her fears out loud.

Marlene and Alice both bid her good luck, before following out after Sirius and Remus, who had rushed out of the room as soon as Mary had walked in. James came to stand next to her, taking her hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"You ready?" he asked softly, looking into his wife's vibrant, emerald eyes. He silently hoped his unborn child inherited her eyes.

"Ready as I'll ever be," she said, griping his hand as tight as she could.

"Alright, when I say push, you push, Lily," Mary said, positioning herself in between her legs.

A nurse Lily recognised as being Trisha came to stand next to her, grabbing a hold of one of her legs. "When you feel a contraction, don't try to fight it. Just try and push for ten seconds. Almost as if you're trying to use the loo. Got it?"

Lily nodded, trying to keep a cool exterior. She was scared out of her mind, but she wasn't about to let it show. She summoned all her Gryffindor courage as she felt a contraction coming, before pushing hard.

**04:02 p.m.**

"Come on Lil, you're doing great," James said soothingly as his wife hung her head, gasping for breath.

"I can't do it. I can't do it anymore, James. You push for me," Lily said as her head crashed against the pillow, feeling utterly exhausted. She didn't care how ridiculous she was sounding, she was done. She couldn't do it anymore. It hurt too much—

"You're doing great. Just one more push, Lily," Mary said excitedly. "Just one more big push and you'll finally be able to meet your baby!"

Relief settled around her. She was one push away from meeting her son or daughter. Just one push. What had she been thinking? Of course she could do it! She took a deep breath as she gripped James' hand before pushing with all her might. She let out a cry of relief as she felt her baby's body slid out into Mary's hands.

And then, she heard it. The most glorious sound in the world. _Her_ baby's first cries. She didn't know how a sound could ever be so beautiful, but it was.

The very sound of _her_ child crying made Lily burst into tears and she smiled up at James, who was staring down at her, with so much love and affection in his hazel eyes.

"I love you, James," she said, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

"I love you, too, Lil," James replied as he looked down at her. He couldn't believe his luck. He had the woman he loved and she loved him back. And now they had a child to prove it. His family was complete.

"It's a boy, Lily! Congratulation, James! You're a father," Mary exclaimed cheerfully as she lay the crying child in Lily's waiting arms.

"Hey, son," James said as he wiped a stray tear away from his face and looked down at his son. "Your mum and I are glad to finally meet you."

"He's perfect, James," she said, her voice thick with emotion as she looked down at her son—_her_ _son_. "Absolutely perfect."

"Have you two agreed on a name for him, yet?"

"Yes. Harry."

"Harry James Potter."


End file.
